The problem I’m facing now in part three of the blog is how to simplify the idea, process, enough to create an image without extreme oversimplification. There is no way to pay sufficient tribute to all the ways humans suffer and all the solutions we’ve created to resolve them.

Mankind has grown in science and developed phenomenal knowledge in so many areas. We have learned so much and still know so little. Long presentations have been made, books written, about how modern medicine was birthed in a Civil War during a time where people of the same nation slaughtered each other over reasons that show our inner workings and corruptions. We are the best and worst in the same moments.

There are choices imbedded in all suffering. How do we respond? What do we do? What can we learn? Is there a God and what does He have to do with this? This is a sampling of questions when the list could go on and on. The last questions about God are the ones my blog pursues, and choice is a key component.

I spoke to a man in jail (Bob for convenience sake) who asked me how to accept that his condition was God’s plan. My response was that his condition wasn’t God’s plan; it was his. God was being put in the position of having to clean up the mess. I asked Bob if he would be in his current situation if he had loved God with his whole heart and his neighbor as himself. The obvious answer was “no.”

The Garden of Eden was not created for suffering, but our freedom to choose made suffering a real possibility. We can look through the history of the world and the history of our own lives and see a clear pattern regarding what choice has caused or cured or left unresolved. We are creatures who often create worse problems, like pollution, while we are solving other problems.

I do not want to negate or deny the process humanity uses to find and resolve issues related to suffering. I simply want to inject the often overlooked focus on asking God, inviting God, and following God into our lives. Had Bob answered my question with a “yes,” his life would have been better on all fronts, and the police would not have a reason to arrest him. A “yes” answer could stop wars and rewrite all our social, political ills. Consider what life would be like if all people on this planet could or would answer “yes.” It is the process that could be most effective, but often the road least traveled.

I have seen in church and heard preached that the failings of humanity get stirred up when Jesus draws near. Revival often sparks a deep need to address the problems and failings we easily overlook in more comfortable times. It is not unusual for divisions, rivalries, unrest, unresolved hurts and wounds to surface or resurface at times of revival, intense preaching, or life trials. I have seen the worst show up in me and in others when trials and challenges happen. I’ve also seen the best in changed lives and transformed individuals.

Revival or trial is like the setting of contrast in a camera. A board with white and black stripes is put before the camera to set the contrast. The camera’s settings are best and the clarity of the pictures most assured when the white and black stripes are clear and distinct. We see the contrast in people most clearly when the Lord draws near to a church or a person. The differences between the qualities of God and the qualities of man become increasingly clear and distinct.

Jesus was the revival who totally stirred up the church during His pre-resurrection time. His disciples continued His work during the beginning of the church. Revival and/or human strife pushes the current church and individuals to confront their humanity and need for God.

My preceding blog described how I was hurt and part of the hurting process. I live in a world where I both suffer from the problems and am part of the problem. We humans are individual beings in one place, at one time and never free from needing to put ourselves first in need or preference. We are born with a “me first, me best” bias that chases us through our time on Earth, and that is the dark stripe that contrasts with Jesus.

The stirring of struggle and/or revival can actually be the gift of God to bring each person to a place where they choose to rule their own lives and be the overcomer of their own problems or realize there is a God who has provided for us. Strife and struggle might be the greatest gift because it truly reveals the contrast of individual and corporate limitations of this world compared to the unlimited beauty of a living God.

Sometimes the most dynamic life examples are right in our face and overlooked, which is also the example that Himmler represents. Himmler (the infamous Nazi) was a narcissist, a me-first person in a way that might be more extreme than others. He saw everything through the filter of what benefited him, his desires, and his priorities. He had a family and considered himself a family man while having affairs. He felt completely morally vindicated to do to others without concern for their suffering or death. He was the primary planner of the holocaust. He was the creator of the SS, which were the primary perpetrators of the atrocities that occurred in every level and area of the war.

He, who did not resemble the aryan image at all, wormed himself in to power and did whatever it took to stay and rise up in power. He was infatuated with his influence and position, believing all others had to recognize him as he saw himself, a power base of authority and position. Those beliefs were a delusion which were only possible because of the overall system in place at the time. Once Himmler faced the “truth,” all delusions were destroyed. The truth will always show up. We just can’t predict when.

Himmler overextended himself because of his false beliefs by trying to broker a treaty with Britain and America against Russia without approval from Hitler. He did this out of hubris and the feeling that his presumptions about power and himself were all true. He was convinced in the accuracy of his own thinking, but he was wrong.

Himmler was a criminal and completely untrustworthy in the eyes of all but himself. America and Britain broadcast his offer and their refusal to the world, solidifying the working arrangement with Russia and showing that nothing but total surrender was acceptable. Himmler lost his bid and all power and influence in one moment. Hitler put out a “all positions taken, find, and kill” order. Himmler was now on the run from everyone with absolutely nothing to recommend him. He was captured and committed suicide, the complete fall and destruction of all he believed. The truth stood firm and could not be denied.

Humility is the ability to recognize and realize that you might not be all you’d like to think you are. It is the ability to hear truth beyond your preferences. It is willing to hunt for truth that might be uncomfortable because you have values in God and His virtues which supersede your own. It is the ability to be corrected or be hurt by others without becoming bitter. It is the ability to recognize that being your own god is a bad deal which will never end well. One of the greatest gifts God gives us is a perspective that shows us that He is God and we are not. Knowing who is God opens the door for healthy life and relationships with self and others, especially with Him.

I remember attending a couple churches during my youthful rebellious period. I was kicked out and invited not to return. I don’t blame them because I was totally adverse to their lifestyle. However I needed the Jesus they had, and they probably needed the obnoxious creature I was to help them get over themselves. We had matching needs and didn’t know it.

I ran into some Jesus street people. They had the simple belief that there wasn’t anything so bad that Jesus couldn’t fix it. They weren’t appalled by me but rather fascinated by how Jesus would work with me and change me. They weren’t focused on my current state but on the God that deals with all conditions of men. Their attitude was compelling. They believed in a God who was greater than all of humanity.

My dialogue with the Jesus people caused me to examine myself and my ideas. I realized that mankind without God was incomplete, and the virtues of Jesus were beyond any that man could manufacture or maintain without Him. I was convinced. I began prayer to a God I now believed to be alive and real and asked Him to be my God. I have been growing in a better direction ever since.

I remember telling my testimony to a man who called me a lier because he believed I had never been as bad as I said. I was highly offended and about to take him on in my anger. I didn’t because I heard that quiet whisper in my heart that said something like, “Be quiet. He’s paying me a compliment.” I realized that he was calling me a lier because I didn’t look like or act the way I had been any more. God had changed me. I went from angry to grateful.

I’m active in church, now but I remember that hurt from long ago. That is not the way Jesus operates but the way humans operate. Jesus has never had a problem correcting me or pointing out my short comings. He doesn’t condemn or reject. He deals with failings as something in need of healing and correction to bring someone into health and wholeness. I believe church is very important, but I believe Jesus’s methods and priorities are crucial. Follow Jesus and the shortcoming of mankind can never turn you bitter.

Teaching high school provided me with a wide variety of experiences. One year, my first two classes of the day taught me a valuable lesson. The first class of the day had a few grumblers in it. There was no way to make them happy or satisfied. Even fun or play days were miserable to them. The second class had two students who playfully inspired each other to be the best. They would call across the classroom with their test grades, which were always high.

At the end of the term, I calculated the average grades of each class for all my classes. The grumblers were one letter grade below the average of all other classes, and the inspirers class was one letter grade above the average of all other classes. This taught me that the students had more power to influence each other than I had. I had to fight my ego to see dynamics that were beyond my control. I was only one of the influencers in the class.

This experience puts a bright light on the Bible story of the twelve spies who were sent to examine Canaan for the Israelites. Their report infected the tribes more powerfully than Moses. Ten were grumblers. Two believed and trusted God with great encouragement, inspirers. The response of the tribes was to join the grumblers, and their outcome was like my first period class. They all went down together. The attitude infection caused all, even the inspirers, to suffer the consequences together.

This challenges me. I know which class I want to join. I prefer the two inspirers who brought their class up than the grumblers who brought their class down. All twelve spies saw the same beautiful country and terrifying obstacles. How they handled hardship and adversity were different. All students faced the same training and tests, all good and bad of the class, but one class rose while the other fell.

I am having an influence on others, whether I want to or not. I must consider them, even when they are not facing the test that is challenging me. I am a part of a greater community and need to be concerned with their health and well being even as I face what I consider private dilemmas. We are a part of one another’s lives. I know from seeing other Christians that inspiration can come during the worst of circumstances, not just during the best. I want to be like that.

I look back and wonder what it really took, or what accumulation of things it really took, for my thinking and perception to begin to shift and change. Drinking and drinking to excess seemed to be a perfectly reasonable choice, until it wasn’t. It tipped the scales from lifestyle to became a torment that I couldn’t escape. It continued to go through little shifts until the Lord broke through the walls in my life and freed me. He was loosening the bricks the entire time. It wasn’t a one moment event. It was a long process of the Lord tearing down the house that existed to rebuild and make a house that was worth living in. Now I can see that the Lord put in an awful lot of hours just moving me closer to freedom and making freedom an available and attractive possibility.

Most of my wandering through the horror story part of my testimony was my reacting to life out of control. I believed that I was in control or believed life was beyond control. Somewhere in my confusion, awareness began to grow that there was a God, He did care, and He was willing to take my case and begin to teach me His virtues in a way that would make my life worth living. I had to learn to rely on Him because only His strength could sustain His virtues in my life. That change of reliance was a massive work unto itself. I can’t even imagine all the Lord had to do to get that started in me.

Was I bad? Yes. Do I have a horror story? Yes. Do I find the story entertaining while I’m reveling on how shockingly terrible I was? Yes. We love movies with gratuitous violence as long as the hero wins. In my story, my stupid is like the stupid of tons of other people. You can hear it anywhere and see it in the media everywhere. What I really like about my story is that He was there before I even knew I needed help and was there working every step of the way until I learned to ask for help. Then He showed up as available and visible. He had been working behind the curtain to become the fountain of water for a man dying of thirst and the food that a starving man needed to survive. The day of my salvation was the day I recognized my rescuer and began to see the price He had paid to provide me with all the help He had been giving me from the beginning. I could finally see Him, learn who He was, and try to partner with His work to fix my life and make it worthwhile. It was the day He came from behind the curtain to take center stage.