Somehow I’ve always thought that I ought to turn my whole life over to acting. Were I able to control it, or adequately script it, I would only give to others what they want from me. I would be serious with those who only value seriousness and silly with those who want silliness. I could compartmentalize myself to a point of reducing stress from the conflicts that arise when things don’t neatly fit the situation at hand.

Consider my life as a store in which I, or one of my variations of self, work the front counter. Wouldn’t it be nice if the people who came in only got what they wanted and nothing more, nothing less. I have always wondered what that would be like. Even in a real business, I’m sure the owners wonder what that would look like. I think there are at least two different reasons (at least two for simplicity sake) that doesn’t happen.

Reason one is that I’m not always sure what variation of me will show up at the counter to serve. Silly, distracted, hurt, solid, introspective, extrovert, serious, philosophical, quizzical, or any of the other variations or combinations of variations may show up. The variations are likely to change at anytime, between customers or mid customer. The music for the musical chairs game which triggers the change of variations is playing in the background. The person or persons in charge of the music are often unknown and can be moved to change the music by any history, experience, mood, feeling, challenge, or like element, internal or external in nature. Basically I am describing randomized personality quirks by randomized triggers. Exhausting thought.

Reason two are that the customers may be facing the same randomization. They might be coming with complete purpose and not know how to deal with the randomized counter person. There is also the point that the customer doesn’t know what he/she wants or realizes that he/she doesn’t want what they got, even if they received exactly what they ordered. Go to any restaurant and you will meet all these customers and more. There are customers who are in show mode for those who accompany them, and the counter self is just the pawn for their convenience. The list can go on.

Maybe, by now, you are wondering how anyone gets along with anybody. The simple answer is grace. It is the same reason we, born of imperfect stock, can get along with heaven’s perfection. Jesus became the translator for us. He is the grace between us and the perfection we lack. He is the model for how to treat each other as we can’t possibly figure out who we are in any given moment or the person(s) we are dealing with in any given moment, at least not completely. 

So, the next time you come to my little store and order a burger, but get a loaf of bread, some lettuce, and ice cream sprinkles, know that I wanted you to get what you wanted. Somehow I wasn’t able to get there as I wanted to. Please give me grace. I’m still relying on Jesus to train the staff at the store.