This post was started by a note I wrote to a friend about watching his son preach. “It was great to see your son struggling like Jacob did with God and changing in the struggle — not only that — but allowing his struggle with change to manifest Jesus to others. We are the paper on which God writes His words so that others might read of His goodness and life.” 

I have often said that I wish I could introduce others to the Jesus I know because He is generous and merciful and not all the harsh and judgmental things hurt people say. All good things in my life have come through His hands.  He removed the alcohol and many other things which consistently destroyed my life and relationships. He has given me hope in impossible places, impossible places where I put myself and where others put me. He gave me a family, a career, wonderful friends, and so much more. Then I realized — I am the paper on which God writes His words so that others might read of His goodness and life.

If you are reading the words on my life’s pages, what are you seeing? Is my life portraying the goodness of God or the meanness of Harry? I am challenged! My job isn’t to control the world around me, but to be the kind of person that Jesus is working to heal and grow in my life. 

Too sadly I sometimes find that I try to force the world and people around me to behave the way God is trying to teach me to behave, voluntarily. It is not easy for me to open myself to correction. It is much easier to see what others need to do to be the perfect person I wish I was. God says to me “Behave in a loving, truthful, honest, just way, and I respond by telling others to behave that way without hearing the correction intended for me. I apologize to you, my reader, and to all I know, for sometimes being the person I dislike most in the world, demanding of you what was meant for me and not being accountable. 

I think I would like to warn people to wear hard hats around me, as they would around a construction site. You never can tell when a board or brick will fall. Sometimes the tools are left all over the place and become trip hazards, or the support structures for the workers need shoring so they won’t fall. I think maybe I should wear a sign that says something like “If you are looking at me and expecting to see Jesus, you will be disappointed.” Then again — the fact that Jesus hasn’t given up on me and continues to faithfully work on my healing and restoration should be encouraging to any who see me. Maybe that is a sign for the back so I could wear sandwich signs everywhere I go.

Maybe I should say that I know that I’m not living up to anyone’s perfect standards, but Jesus hasn’t quit and neither have I. Maybe I should say that I’m not what I will be, but at least I’m not what I was. There are so many things I wish I could say perfectly but can’t find the right words at the right time. Maybe I should just end with, “I know I’m not perfect, and you aren’t either, but I know that Jesus loves both of us. He has a much better plan for making our lives a better place to live than we have for ourselves. Let’s walk together and find that better life in Jesus.