New Year’s (or any) resolutions can be very revealing. Part of the revealing is what is chosen, things to do or things not to do. The deeper revelation is what is buried under the choices – the attitudes. Am I managing my appearance to myself and others, or am I truly desiring change. If I say to myself I’m desiring change, what change is it, a behavior or the attitude which sustains a behavior? What level of my life am I examining? How deep am I willing to go? How much mud will get on my boots from wading through my excuses toward the truth of the matter?

I’m curious. Here’s an example. I set a goal to lose weight, say twenty-five pounds. Diet starts. The discipline hurts, but it’s not too bad. The first five pounds drop pretty easily. Now comes the challenge. I want to celebrate my success. The natural choice for celebration – cheat on the diet. It’s so perfectly self-defeating. A little success in any direction of any goal creates an opportunity to back up on the goal.

Why does success turn into an excuse to step back from succeeding? What does this say about the real desire – snack sneaker or healthy eating? I’m really curious as to how my mind works, especially since I often don’t take time to examine and question it. Somehow it makes sense, if you’ve lost five pounds, go to Dairy Queen and get a blizzard. Did I lose the weight to get DQ, or did I lose the weight for a better reason? What is the heart of my thinking, and what does it reveal to me about my true motives? Why would cheating in the direction of failure be considered a reward?

I can turn this example into a more spiritual image. What would it look like? I can pray devotedly for five days in a row at the same time each day so I can avoid prayer for the next five days? Be righteous and serve God a little so He will excuse a little sin on the side? Who am I really in my heart, the fat guy trying to wear skinny jeans or the thin guy trying to get rid of the fat suit? Or am I the guy looking to get my heart right? I look for ways and excuses to cheat when it is about weight. My soul is vulnerable to the appetites of the body. I’m convicted by my attitude.

This brings me back to the spiritual example. Am I identifying with the sinner-self who wants to get away with stuff, or the saint-self who wants the sin conquered? The saint doesn’t want an excuse to go backward. Now I find the truth in the matter. I’m broken. I won’t move in the right direction without help, help from someone who understands why and how I can’t be trusted to completely get on board with the right attitudes.

No matter how good I am, or how long I sustain a record for being good, failure resides. I am a cheater in the hands of a merciful God who will continue my discipline until the diet is complete and my rescue accomplished. My faith is in His victory becoming ever more my own. Trusting in self is a sure loss, only a matter of time before the flesh cheats. Trusting in Jesus is guaranteed success. Jesus never surrenders to failure. His goal for each of us is the true health of freedom from sin.