We have created a name for the rowdy and rude. We see tantrums performed on social media about things that seem insignificant. The person screaming might be facing the last straw of an entire field of straw or reeling from emotions or traumas not visible to the onlookers or the camera. The video doesn’t tell us.

It is hard to be a broken person in a broken world. I know. I’m currently dealing with a company I will refer to as Rg for rage. They changed their billing procedures. I paid according to the old and found that my payment was lost. I called, and called, and called. I did the rounds with a stuttering automatic system and have talked to at least six persons so far. I’ve sent proof of payment from the bank to three of those persons. I am in at least five hours of phone/email time over eight days without a resolution.

The only results so far is that Rg sent my bill to a collection agency while I was in conversation with one of their employees and had already sent proof of payment once. I’m trying to resolve their accounting problem, and they’ve added insult to confusion. I am to blame for some of this because I didn’t register that they changed their billing processes. I don’t even know if I was notified of their billing changes. Rage, confusion, and conflict, an open door and solid push toward Karen behavior.

This horse wants to run, but feels the bit and bridle pulled back by the reins. I don’t want to be a Karen. I don’t believe that I can be faithful to myself and my faith and be a Karen. Will is now fighting with desire, and I have the choice. Prayer is making the difference right now.

I know that Jesus is a very present Lord in all times of trouble, seen or unseen. I trust that He will provide a better way and a better time to handle the broken situation than giving in to the emotion of the moment. Fault or amount of fault isn’t the main issue right now. I want to act like the person I want to be with the quality of behavior Jesus is working to teach me. I am beginning to admire the people in my life who modeled the kind of character I’m learning. They made it look easy, but it isn’t.