“I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry.” It is a basic tenant of life and primary function of relationships.. It takes two. One to see he has hurt, and the other has to choose to forgive or not. Apologizing is important for the offending person, even if the offended doesn’t forgive. We have a relationship with ourselves that requires truth and dignity. Recognizing our failing and owning up to it is important to the health of our inner self. Repentance and forgiveness are primary functions of faith because faith is a relationship with God as we understand Him.

I’ve learned that there can be a step beyond that. You can become so offended by your own mistake that you refuse to accept the forgiveness given by another. Even when the forgiving person warmly welcomes you back, you continue to punish yourself for your wrongdoing. This creates a sad isolation. I experienced this in my family. They forgave me, but I did not forgive myself. I did not accept full rights and privileges to the family. I treated myself like an outsider. The self-punishment even seemed honorable in a twisted way because they didn’t give the punishment I deserved by being generous.

I realized now that experience is like a parable about humanity and faith. My brother was the one who helped me forgive myself and re-enter the family without reservation. Jesus is the big brother that does that for us spiritually. We may somehow have intellectually realized that God has forgiven us when we ask Him. We may not realize that we continue to hold feelings against ourselves. It takes a big brother to help make the transition of forgiveness and acceptance possible because the brother proves it through his actions and his words.

One of the joyful and/or painful jobs of a Christian is to stand in for Jesus and be the physical example of forgiveness. “I will do as God in Christ has done for me. I will be the conduit that transitions outsiders back into the family,” is the plan. Sometimes that can be the toughest job on earth because we can hold on to hurt instead of Jesus like we hang on to the hurt within ourselves. We become the offender when we hold on to offense, unforgiveness.

We are living examples of relationships because we walk with the chief forgiver and can continually keep our relationship healthy. Repentance and forgiveness are daily processes of life, physically in this world and spiritually. Forgiveness is a life medicine.