I look back and wonder what it really took, or what accumulation of things it really took, for my thinking and perception to begin to shift and change. Drinking and drinking to excess seemed to be a perfectly reasonable choice, until it wasn’t. It tipped the scales from lifestyle to became a torment that I couldn’t escape. It continued to go through little shifts until the Lord broke through the walls in my life and freed me. He was loosening the bricks the entire time. It wasn’t a one moment event. It was a long process of the Lord tearing down the house that existed to rebuild and make a house that was worth living in. Now I can see that the Lord put in an awful lot of hours just moving me closer to freedom and making freedom an available and attractive possibility.

Most of my wandering through the horror story part of my testimony was my reacting to life out of control. I believed that I was in control or believed life was beyond control. Somewhere in my confusion, awareness began to grow that there was a God, He did care, and He was willing to take my case and begin to teach me His virtues in a way that would make my life worth living. I had to learn to rely on Him because only His strength could sustain His virtues in my life. That change of reliance was a massive work unto itself. I can’t even imagine all the Lord had to do to get that started in me.

Was I bad? Yes. Do I have a horror story? Yes. Do I find the story entertaining while I’m reveling on how shockingly terrible I was? Yes. We love movies with gratuitous violence as long as the hero wins. In my story, my stupid is like the stupid of tons of other people. You can hear it anywhere and see it in the media everywhere. What I really like about my story is that He was there before I even knew I needed help and was there working every step of the way until I learned to ask for help. Then He showed up as available and visible. He had been working behind the curtain to become the fountain of water for a man dying of thirst and the food that a starving man needed to survive. The day of my salvation was the day I recognized my rescuer and began to see the price He had paid to provide me with all the help He had been giving me from the beginning. I could finally see Him, learn who He was, and try to partner with His work to fix my life and make it worthwhile. It was the day He came from behind the curtain to take center stage.