Author hjjoin

Horror Story, Part 3 of 3

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My testimony is the work Jesus did to turn a blind, deaf, angry, selfish soul into someone who is learning and occasionally operating in His virtues. He teaches me to care for others and not just myself. He teaches me about the kingdom of heaven versus the kingdom of man and how to choose heaven over man. He teaches me to realize my failings earlier, better than later, and to allow Him to work on them instead of defending and maintaining the failure. He teaches me about Himself who doesn’t fail, doesn’t give up, is there during the worst, and working for the best.

He is the manifestation of all the values I wish were in my life all the time, without fail, instead of just showing up in small bursts of inspirational living. He teaches me to appreciate the positive changes and not to give up during ongoing failures. He teaches me to look for the beauty He has created and He has available, even in the worst of times and the worst of people, instead of staying focused on the depression and sorrow of darkness that is always with us on this planet. He teaches me that faith is real and His truth surpasses all that man can create. He teaches enough about Himself and His virtues to show me that heaven is a real place and a desired destination.

I realize in my experience that anytime with Him is better than anytime without Him. My testimony is that I’m a much better person because of Him with the expectation that I create much less damage and harm when I am with Him. I see why the apostles followed Him around even though they often didn’t understand what He was doing and were confused by what He was saying. I learned and am learning that He is God, and I am not. Thank heaven!

Horror Part 2 of 3

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I look back and wonder what it really took, or what accumulation of things it really took, for my thinking and perception to begin to shift and change. Drinking and drinking to excess seemed to be a perfectly reasonable choice, until it wasn’t. It tipped the scales from lifestyle to became a torment that I couldn’t escape. It continued to go through little shifts until the Lord broke through the walls in my life and freed me. He was loosening the bricks the entire time. It wasn’t a one moment event. It was a long process of the Lord tearing down the house that existed to rebuild and make a house that was worth living in. Now I can see that the Lord put in an awful lot of hours just moving me closer to freedom and making freedom an available and attractive possibility.

Most of my wandering through the horror story part of my testimony was my reacting to life out of control. I believed that I was in control or believed life was beyond control. Somewhere in my confusion, awareness began to grow that there was a God, He did care, and He was willing to take my case and begin to teach me His virtues in a way that would make my life worth living. I had to learn to rely on Him because only His strength could sustain His virtues in my life. That change of reliance was a massive work unto itself. I can’t even imagine all the Lord had to do to get that started in me.

Was I bad? Yes. Do I have a horror story? Yes. Do I find the story entertaining while I’m reveling on how shockingly terrible I was? Yes. We love movies with gratuitous violence as long as the hero wins. In my story, my stupid is like the stupid of tons of other people. You can hear it anywhere and see it in the media everywhere. What I really like about my story is that He was there before I even knew I needed help and was there working every step of the way until I learned to ask for help. Then He showed up as available and visible. He had been working behind the curtain to become the fountain of water for a man dying of thirst and the food that a starving man needed to survive. The day of my salvation was the day I recognized my rescuer and began to see the price He had paid to provide me with all the help He had been giving me from the beginning. I could finally see Him, learn who He was, and try to partner with His work to fix my life and make it worthwhile. It was the day He came from behind the curtain to take center stage.

Horror story? Part 1 of 3

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I have listened to some Christian testimonies and even remember the way I told my own when I first recognized God and wanted Him in my life. The testimonies are often like a horror movie given in vicious detail, complete with gore, all the way up to the closing credits, ending with the statement “and the monster died.” Like many witnesses, I was preoccupied, even glorified, what a horrible and miserable person I was. I was spending more time looking over my shoulder at what was than I was at the person who was rescuing me during the entire time and the future that was now before me.

Some of the greatest miracles in my life happened before I ever called myself a Christian. I look back and think about the choreography of people who were placed in my life, giving me insights that led to my recognizing what needed to happen if I wanted to survive. I think about all the people who put the virtues of heaven on display and showed that what I was doing was really awful, and what was possible to be truly desirable. I think about the close calls that made me realize there might be another hand in life beyond my own or the people around me.

There were many little and big things that proved, eventually, that life was more than a natural phenomenon. I’m not sure how some changes happened. I looked upon other’s kindness as something to use selfishly until the day I began to feel really cruel and ugly when I did it. I might’ve felt cruel and ugly the entire time while lying to myself that it didn’t bother me, but I did become aware of the selfish cruelty. That single change may have been one of the most important miracles. I became aware that I was accountable for being bad, instead of blaming everything and everyone else. There was an entire host of related mini revelations that made repentance a relatable choice instead of an anger inducing insult.

Education

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Education is when all the societal issues we have not resolved meet in a warehouse of the immature with the in-process adults who are sharing information and survival to students for a culture which might not be recognizable in five years. This almost sounds like a recipe for chaos. To some degree it is. The true power in the process are the relationships and the work on learning relationships with the good, bad, and indifferent in the system as you gather information and training. It is learning to walk the path of people in all you do that will forever be the center of all you do in life because relationships are often longer lasting and more powerful than situational experiences.

I spent thirty-three years working as one of the in-process persons in a warehouse of the immature called a high school. Over 5,000 young humans went through my classes during that time. There were no duplicates, no clones, all unique, all one of a kind miracles and each with their own gifts – none left out. I still have ties to those I worked with and those I worked for. The power of these ties were felt again recently as I attended a retirement party for a revered friend.

I am still reeling from the emotional stirring of revisiting those connections. I realize how easy it is to overlook the power of relationships until they are stirred to the surface or you recognize those experiences working in the background, writing the script of today’s behavior. The circumstances and events are strong, but the people in those circumstances and events are stronger. I am buffeted by the circumstances but cut or healed by the people.

The sometimes overwhelming power of such things can clearly show the limits of an individual within the confines of their own life. It can reveal the need for persons or powers beyond their own strength to intervene and provide what a person can’t do by themselves. Moments like these verify the true reason I want to be a Christian. To me, getting “saved” isn’t just an event but the process of dealing with life under the leadership and power of Jesus who can and does intervene continually to rescue and train. He who is the embodiment of the virtues of heaven can apply those virtues into the life of someone not strong enough to have the virtues within himself without help.

Santa Reflections Part 2

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I am a person who puts on a Santa suit and becomes a stage prop for families coming for an annual visit and picture with Santa. I get to marvel at people and families during their pursuit of family identity and tradition. I have become aware that each person is a unique one of a kind miracle, and each family has its own unique fingerprint. Even the commonalities are unique to families and individuals.

I often get stopped or find myself engaged in Santa type interactions anytime I go in public wearing red during December. I was on the river walk in Savannah and suddenly found a small child wrapped around my legs. Mom was horrified that her child was acting so with a stranger. I calmed the mom and went into Santa mode, which really calmed the mom. Once the Santa connection was made, I watched mom and child enter the myth magic. They began to share the true magic of love between them, using the season as a method of bonding and learning to experience each other. I was impressed.

People enjoy restuarant’s outside seating that are all along the river walk. Many started Santa type interactions with me that were fun and indicative of the lively personalities and warmth available among strangers when the season thins or lowers the walls of isolation that people typically have in place throughout the year. Each interaction indirectly shows life concerns or life values that point to the inner beauty and culture of the person inside the comments.

I find myself more aware of the many small, beautiful moments that create the large impression of the season. I see individual families in the taffy pull of life, stretching each other, breaking and healing simultaneously in intense moments. During photography sessions, I see children both aggravating and protecting each other, arguing one second and speaking for each other the next. I see parents proud, happy, and frantic in moments that border on chaos. It is like I’m seeing all the individual drops that are involved in parting the Red Sea instead of just looking at the wall of water.

I’m beginning to learn to see God’s amazing involvement in His creation beyond the urgency of my personal need, realizing He is present and caring in every moment life offers with everyone you run into.

Santa Reflections from 2025, Number 1

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I play Santa during the Christmas season, in full costume. You never know what you will face as a Santa. Most of the time, you are just a stage prop for families coming to create memories related to their annual traditions. Mom and dad’s often have a string of Santa pictures through the years as one of the ways they track the growth of their children. You can see the, “Not again,” face in some of the kids faces as they grow older. Still, most play along because it is the price you pay for being family.

Three truly touching events happened this year. Each remind that, even in a joyful season, suffering and sorrow exist.

  1. An older woman who had a stroke and realized she had become handicapped wanted to sit with Santa. She looked sincerely into my face and told me that she wanted her mind back. I could see the pain in her awareness. I took her hands in mine, and we prayed together. It was all I knew to do.
  2. An elderly woman came in with dementia. Her family surrounded her with love and wanted to give her a visit with Santa because it fit where she was mentally/emotionally. The Chamber, my sponsor, provided the time I needed to visit with her and let her family use the time to love on her. She may have been unaware, but the love she was given by her family was beautiful to see.
  3. A woman came in with three teen daughters, dressed alike, and a framed picture. The picture was of her only son who had died in late May, in the same month after graduating high school. She wept profusely while I held the picture and the daughters posed. She was truly brave and thanked me, who had done nothing, for being there. Rarely do you get to see such courage in such a painful time as I did with her visit.

I have much to learn from my interactions with others. I will write another, but lighter, post of reflections on Santa soon.

Santa Moments

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I have been given the golden opportunity to play Santa for others. I have the full costume, the padding (all mine), white hair, and white beard (also all mine). I get stopped by kids and families often when I wear red out in public during this time of year. It has created many opportunities to see families at work, creating memories, and playing with the most fun aspects of the seasonal mythology. I am just the stage prop for pictures with the opportunity to engage and watch.

One five year old joined me at the chair. I asked if she was on the naughty or nice list. She assured me, in the most convincingly sincere manner, that she was on the “nice” list before shooting her father the unmissable silent command to back her up. He responded with a silent, but clear facial signal, that she was safe because he had her back. Santa would not get any evidence or comments to the contrary. They were great!

Sometimes being Santa is like watching a taffy machine working the candy to the precise perfection needed. Families come in pulling on each other from every direction: loving, being loved, needing help, sharing forgiveness in as many directions as it is being required by self and others. They manifest all the push and pull of loving well and not so well to terribly. They are processing life together in a way that shows the many levels and dimensions in the struggle to love, be loved, and be lovable. They are simultaneously making mistakes and learning to repair or deal with them.

They are actively engaged in the process of being family and showing how intimate and necessary the process is for life. It is miraculous and unique in each family. People miss all the finely tuned moments of life by only measuring love in the big moments when it is the brass band instead of when it is the breeze in the tree tops or the rustle of leaves on the ground. I see God in all these small, messy relationship connections that build a family into viable and critically important unit of personal and community life.

It is truly a life resource that is under attack and in constant need of protection. Christmas is a time where great healing and unity is possible for those who believe and pursue God in their daily lives.

Discernment

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Discernment is the ability to evaluate the qualities in any choices. The most personal and or important discernment might be between good and evil because that affects an individual person at a potentially eternal level.

There must be a solid standard for discernment to work. Many people choose standards which do not require moral and or ethical standards like the controlling values of money, wealth, prestige, power, and the like. False standards, or gods, are dangerous and can create tremendous levels of life and relationship damage. It is important to know whether a god or the God is the controlling influence.

Scams require discernment to see through them and not be trapped by them. Scams appeal to desires and feelings, not to standards of virtue that are greater. You see so many pitches for instant (or extremely speedy) health, wealth, appearance, power, or pleasure of some sort. The worst scams we face might be the lies we tell ourselves. “I can break _ (list any healthy life discipline broken) because __ (list any excuse you’ve ever used).”

Discernment teaches us to see who or what benefits from the program, sales pitch, or idea being presented. The detective movies always say, “follow the money.” Another way of checking for scams is the old saying, “If it sounds too good to be true, be assured it is.” The Bible is the best measure. This measure or standard can be applied to business, politics, relationships, and church.

Prosperity preachers are being treated like scammers because their messages appeal to man’s desired outcomes more than the preferences and purposes of God according to the Bible. However, any preacher or person who shares the gospel can cherry pick their preferred verses to make the Bible appear to say what they want it to say. The problem isn’t the Bible. It is the person distorting the Bible for their own purpose. It’s up to each person to know the difference: discernment.

It is important to protect ourselves from the scammers in this life and the scammers who misrepresent truth for their own benefit. “Is this the truth of God as verified throughout the Bible or the preference of man?” Is a good guiding question. It is important for each of us to know what is having a controlling influence over our choices. A critical life skill is discernment between the self oriented values of this world and the true virtues of God. Jesus is a proven standard and is verified throughout the Bible.

Something Better

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I think on this day before Thanksgiving I would like to offer a thought about being thankful for more than the pleasant things.

It is natural to be thankful for all the benefits and comforts of life, the things that go our way, and the things that bring satisfaction in our accomplishments. I think that it’s equally important to give thanks to the rest, the gifts of life that form and shape us into the people we are.

It is the discomforts in life that grow us towards maturity and that teach us how to make decisions with experience and wisdom. The discomforts teach us to learn from this mistake because a bigger one is in the wings waiting for us if we don’t. It is how we learn to endure, be strong, have courage, and stand fast in adversity. It is the proof of true and deep friendships. It is the comfort that God is the Father who trains his children as we train our own for success, discipline, and hope.

It is the drill instructor that pushes a soldier beyond his limits and forces him into the routines that will save his life on the battlefield. It is the coach or circumstance that pushes an athlete beyond all his/her known abilities to unearth the greater abilities within. It is the parents that discipline to shape the ship that will carry a person through the waters of life. It is the nagging doubts that give insight and strength and stabilize beliefs. It is the frustration that empowers someone to have patience and endurance. It is the losses that teach compassion.

Today, in addition to being thankful for all the blessings, I am thankful for the blessing and education of discomfort, challenge, disappointment and all the training in hope, discipline, and love they provide. I am thankful for the worst things that have happened in my life because they have become testimonies of hope to persons needing encouragement. I am grateful that I have never been alone no matter how isolated I felt.

We may provide God the fertilizer of all the sorrows we experience in this world, but He uses those things to plant beautiful flowerbeds and fruit bearing plants. God does not wish our sorrow, but He knows how to transform them into something better.

Villains and Heroes

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There are patterns in movies that appear to be very true in the real world, at least according to public news and media (if you can label that as real world).

Villains, who have no moral or just backing for their opinion or actions, are the most aggressive in enforcing their attitude, behavior, or control. Heroes tend to hyper aggression only when pushed by villains to stand against their aggression and/or for moral values. It is almost like you can measure villains and heroes by the amount of intimidation and manipulation used to accomplish their will. Intimidation and manipulation feel free to use lies, deceit, and accomplices to achieve a goal.

This begins at a very young age. Children manipulate, tell the “truth” they want believed, and gather mob support, “everyone is doing it,” before they understand how they learned those techniques might work to get them what they want. Those techniques may be unattractive in a child trying to get dessert before dinner, but they are an abomination for adults who use the same techniques to gain power, money, and prestige.

I am not one of those who believe that the end justifies the means. I believe the means justify or destroys the end result. Moral and ethical values create an outcome worth having, where the other will build layers of destruction into its outcome that will hurt many or all. Hitler, as always, is a textbook example of a villain and a villain’s process. You can see him in the little “Hitlers” in the work force or family to world leaders. The process is identifiable because the pattern, scaled up or down, is clear, “I will do what needs to be done to get what I want.”

Heroes, depending on the level of self sacrifice they are willing to give, process in the opposite direction. They prefer moral and ethical values over personal preferences. They will sacrifice themselves more than requiring others to sacrifice for them. They see the health and wellbeing of the community as a powerful motivation and goal.

I see both villain and hero inside me. I have the natural instincts of the villain and the desire for the hero. I see the war Jesus taught us about working inside my mind and heart. It is a war. This is why I pray. I need help fighting off the villain and living more heroically. Jesus won this war. I trust Him to help me fight it.