Insecurity appears to be on the list of my being parts. It might be a personality part inside the rest of my personality. Who knows? It might just come with the standard humanity package of personality possibilities and parts. I do want to make a distinction. Some of insecurity is perfectly healthy. That part is tied to self preservation and the ability to protect yourself and others. That is not the part I’m referring to in this blog. I’m going to refer to the corrupted insecurity.

I’ve always joked about having as many personalities as I have hats (probably around 200). I’ll call this one Insy as a bite on insecurity. Insy is in training toward Confidence and Quiet Assurance in my life, but it can, and sometimes will, revert back to its most primitive self. Every actor needs to know his character so he can build understanding. Here are a few, not exclusive or completely definitive, of the traits recognizeable in Insy:

Whines like a small child when it doesn’t get its way.

Manipulates others for attention, even when getting it.

Doesn’t accept honest attention as real, only works harder to manipulate to get it.

Does not recognize the barriers it raises between self and others, particularly as they sense the manipulation and feel used like a paper towel wiping the mouth of the greedy, always hungry, Insy.

Flirts with Pity all the time.

Has an ongoing affair with Vanity.

Is self indulgent until caught. Then it runs for cover of its favorite lies and distractions.

Over embellishes appearance in an effort for acceptance and praise.

Is jealous and may tend to steal from those things, or those people, genuinely praiseworthy.

Insy is there for the praise, but not so much for the work and sacrifice.

Can be any of its traits from light to extreme amounts, depending on its need in any given moment. Is extremely flexible in changing its needs until stressed. At the point of being triggered or stressed, Insy can become consuming and tyrantical.

Hates itself for what it sees as the real self, constantly pushing to find false praise to help it hide from its true self-opinion. Fails to admit truth for the same reasons. It can tolerate self-hatred easier than hatred or disapproval from others.

Is unable to recognize that it reaps what it sews, which causes a continuing downward spiral.

May go into performance or attention-getting mode at times of perceived real need.

Is an escape artist. It can escape being bound, gagged, locked in a cage, and hid in the dungeon, only to show up like it was never gone when least wanted and expected. 

Can cause you to do embarrassing things that would make a professional clown blush. 

Like Superman, Insy is faster to arrive than a speeding bullet when the trigger is pulled. Triggers are not so hard to spot as they are difficult to break/destroy, as they have often birthed long standing habits, which take time and perserverance to eradicate. 

Worst of Insy’s traits is that it is the front man for the worst bully in its family, Fear.

This list could continue. The questions becomes “So what?” I see and know this character. I must go a step further. Here are some of the things I’m learning and recommend from my experience. Acknowledge Insy. Strip it of its power by making it public. Own it and realize that Insy has been pulling your strings and that you’ve played its puppet. Like all other sin, its greatest power is manifest while hiding in the dark.

Follow the advice Terra Jones gave me and be bold. You are going through the messy stages to get to the freedom. Force yourself to be open with those the Lord has provided as accountability partners and be bold. Bold is your new character, so you need to keep trying him out as often as you can to exercise yourself in the freedom you don’t know yet. 

Place yourself where you can hear sermons which challenge you to know Jesus in places you’ve kept hidden. Chris Jones is doing a sermon series on 1 Samual. His last sermon particularly hits this topic of insecurity and fear. You can listen to the sermons at https://www.chclakecity.org/media. The sermon I am referring to is 1 Samual Week 4.

Major — trust Jesus and walk in faith. It takes faith to recognize Insy and know that God has brought this to your attention to set you free. You can trust Him for the resources to get you free. Faith requires you to accept and stand where Jesus puts you. That means that you may be denied all the normal back pats you rely on to keep you going. Don’t go looking for the affirmations Jesus may hold back from you. This may be the perfect time where you learn to take your affirmations directly from Jesus. He has a reason to do what He is doing. He is the king, and what he is doing is for your good. Standing still to obey Jesus’s will is hard but necessary. Failure to do so cost Saul a kingdom – listen to the sermon and you’ll understand.